in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Say something about gay babies.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The uberlube is also flammable
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
