I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
