I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
