How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
