Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
