respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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