32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
