he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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