Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
