o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
