I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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