she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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