It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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