she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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