Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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