margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
