haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i think i just lost a toe
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