I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
