maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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