Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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