She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
4 words: hood of his car
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
