just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
