we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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