I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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