I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
