After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
