I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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