I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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