i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
