It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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