You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
