Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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