Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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