I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
