You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't make out with my wife yet
barbara walters just said penis...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
