Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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