can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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