It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
