no, he came in my armpit
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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