Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
