chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
