He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
