He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
