Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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