Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
