puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
