It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
