I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
