I bet he comes in French.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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