drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
